final rhomboid ball of chiggers

This ain't easy for me so I will just blurt it out; I have begun to think I was born without knees.

I don't take this kind of thing lightly so don't tease me, OK? I don't even know why I told yoo guys this because the last thing I need to do is give yoo any more ammunition. Yoo already know about my issues with felt panties and my aversion to anything made from coal so it's not like there isn't anything to give me shit about. And before I forget there's the "Gouda" incident and the less that's said about the red-assed baboons at my birthday the better. Now I'm mostly over the whole "Sticky chowder bath salts" so don't try that one on me, although I still get a little queasy around raw bacon but my doctor yells me that that's a natural reaction and not to worry although I still do. Oh, yeah; I have to reluctantly mention the week I spent convinced I was Mildred from the '50s sitcom "Where'd you leave my bunion paste, Mildred?", but I digress further, so I will end on this note: when you have to choose between living a noble life in abject squalor or a shallow one in greedy excess you should not even have to think about it. Go for greedy!

squirm all ya want, I'm still gettin' the sandwich

Due to the fact that this is my first writing of the New Year I will keep this brief.

Thank you.

leave that alone, would ya?

I hate to say I told you so, so I won't.

Friends are like strangers who know stuff about you.

While I'm thinking of it I need to change my name again. Not my blog name but my real one.

I just wish I could remember what it was so I won't change it back to the original one.

What good would it do to change it back when people will know who you are?

I am rambling now so you can stop me at any time by using the "safe" word. Unless you forgot it again.

You did, didn't you? You lazy bastard! I'm not gonna tell you again what it is so you'll have to keep guessing.....Let's just say it rhymes with 'orange', and the rest is up to you.

..Gotta go...

I can take a lot of stuff but you better stop peltin' me with rocks and garbage!

I mean it!!

There. That's much better. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. I was telling y'all about my pone collection. Like this blue one here; I got this one on my camping trip to my living room...Actually it wasn't so much a camping trip as it was just me foraging for cat toys under the couch.

But it could have been camping, right? I mean there was a lot of dirt there, as well as a lump or two of something that belonged in the woods....and then there was that something that bit like a bastard.

Left a rash, too.

That's all I got so can I have another cracker now?

...and some salve of my injury?

Thanks!

Goodbye.

agony

What is this? I really don't know. I thought you brought it with you. Either put that away or use it like a real man and/or woman; hard to tell from this angle. do people really read these things? I wouldn't unless I had to, but if I am writing it then by proxy I must be reading it. Paradox and confusing all at once. And slappy...have you thought about slappy? He's a good guy once you get past all the slapping. But who has the time for slapping? I don't...but I can make the time if necessary. Where the hell am I going with this? Oh, just look at the damn picture and leave me be. I want a cookie. Yup, a cookie....bet you didn't see that one coming, did you? I am a crafty one, you must admit. Still waiting for that cookie! I ca wait all night.......COOKIE!

rent not the boggy pete...

...or peaty bog. not sure which it is so rent not either. or is that neither? my grammar is insufficient as you can probably tell. that is if anyone out there is bothering to read this. hard to tell, really. just taking it for granted, actually. nope, don't know if this is being read by anyone. i won't hold my breathe......

Funny cat, no?

Heifer

funny name for a cow. Not sure why but just don't think it's fair. how about we just call them "Jimmy"? i would feel more comfortable with that, and so would the cows. there, i said it. someone had to. might as well be me. that's all i got....goodbye, everybody.